fun

Joe: “Pete, do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?”

Pete: “No, what is it?”

Joe: “Outlaws are wanted.”

Joe: “I have all the money I’ll ever need.”

Pete: “That’s great, Joe.”

Joe: “If I die by three this afternoon.”

Joe: “I just reworked my resume for my job applications.”

Pete: “How does it look?”

Joe: “I put a lot of things on it I hope I’m never asked about.”

Joe: “Playing poker has really helped me get back on my feet.”

Pete: “Did you win big?”

Joe: “No, I lost my car.”

Joe: “I drank too much wine last night at the dance.”

Pete: “What happened?”

Joe: “When I walked across the floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.”

Joe: “I went on a blind date with a beautiful woman. I asked her to text me when she got home.”

Pete: “How did it go?”

Joe: “I think she must be homeless, I haven’t received a text in a week.”

Joe: “I don’t date on the 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, or 13th of the month.

Joe: “My best friend gave me bad news yesterday.”

Pete: “What did he say?”

Joe: “He said, ‘Your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.'”

Joe: “A gang broke into the police station and stole all the toilets.”

Pete: “Did the police catch the gang?”

Joe: “The police said they have nothing to go on.”