funny jokes

My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”

I shouted, “You’re kidding!”

He said, “It’s true. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”

Source

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail.

I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.

Source

How did the bunny rob a snowman?

He took out his hair dryer and said: Give me that carrot!

Source

A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm.

At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I’m about to change.

A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, “I can’t do this. I need water.” The man says, “I didn’t know dogs could talk.”

The horse says, “Me neither!”

Snake 1: ‘Are we poisonous?’
Snake 2: ‘I don’t know, why?’
Snake 1: ‘I just bit my lip.’

The mom called in vain for her young son. Then she searched the ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic—all in vain. Finally, she called out to the roof,  and cried:

“John Henry, are you on the roof?”

An answer came clearly:

“No, mom. Have you looked in the cellar?”