What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing, they just waved.
Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
A: “Does this taste funny to you?”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who doesn’t think they’re smart, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re not smart, Mike?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink.
He hears someone whisper, “Pssst…I like your tie.” The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone.
“Pssst…that color looks nice on you.”
He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?”
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, “No, sorry about that. It’s the peanuts… they’re complimentary.”
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know Y.
A horse walks into a bar…
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse replies, “Sure.”
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
