A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
