funny

Joe: “I bought a guitar online so I could learn to play it.”

Pete: “How’s it going?”

Joe: “The guitar doesn’t work.”

Pete: “What’s wrong with it?”

Joe: “I should have known there were problems when the seller told me no strings attached.”

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Joe: “I want to give a shout out to sidewalks.”

Pete: “Why’s that, Joe?”

Joe: “They’re keeping  me off the streets.”

Joe: “I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I’m mature, I’m moral, I’m pure, I’m polite and I’m perfect!”

Pete: “That’s quite a compliment.”

Joe: “Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.”

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Son: “Dad, why is my sister’s name Paris?”

Dad: “Because we conceived her in Paris.”

Son: “Thanks, dad.”

Dad: “No problem, Quarantine.”

Joe: ” Pete do you know the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?”

Pete: “Can’t say I do. What is it?”

Joe: “Anyone can mash potatoes.”

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Joe: “My grandpa asked me how to print on his computer.”

Pete: “Were you able to help him?”

Joe: “When I told him it’s Ctrl-P, he said he hadn’t been able to do that for years.”

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Joe: “I bought a toilet brush yesterday.”

Pete: “That’s interesting.”

Joe: “I tell yah, Pete, I still prefer toilet paper.”

Joe: “It took me a while but I finally told my hot coworker how I felt.”

Pete: “What happened?”

Joe: “Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioning.”

Joe:  “My wife and I had an argument about which vowel was most important.”

Pete: “How’d it come out?”

Joe: “I won.”

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A man walks into a seafood store carrying a trout under his arm.

“Do you make fish cakes?” he asked.

“Yes, we do,” replied the fishmonger.

“Great,” said the man, “It’s his birthday.”

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