funny

Joe: “My wife and I went to a marriage counselor.”

Pete: “How did it work out?”

Joe: “The counselor ask us, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

Joe: “My friend Al went bald years ago, but he still carries around an old comb with him.”

Pete: “Why does he do that?”

Joe: “Al just can’t seem to part with it.”

Joe: “My girlfriend thinks I don’t respect her privacy.”

Pete: “Are you sure?”

Joe: “That’s what it says in her diary.”

Source

Joe: “When I was a kid, my parents always said, “Excuse my French” after a swear word.”

Pete: “My parents said the same thing to me.”

Joe: “I’ll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked me if I knew any French.”

Source

Pete: “How do you like your new job, Joe?”

Joe: “My boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office.”

Pete: “How’s it working out?”

Joe: “I’m watching season 6 now; but I’m not really sure what it’s got to do with security.”

Joe: ” You know, Pete, for years I was against organ transplants.”

Pete: “Really?”

Joe: “Yah, then I had a change of heart.”

Source

Joe: “I called my girlfriend at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Pete: “What did she say?”

Joe: “She said, “No.” Then I said, “How about now?”

Pete: “I just got back from a job interview, they asked me if can perform under pressure.”

Joe: “What did you tell the interviewer?”

Pete: “I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I can play the Beer Barrel Polka.”

Joe: “I met a girl at a club the other night who said she’d show me a good time.”

Pete: “What happened?”

Joe: “When we got outside she ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.”