Q: How do you get a jazz musician off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! 😃
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.
I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Why did the burglar shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
