funny

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

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I was sitting in traffic the other day.  Probably why I got run over.

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My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.

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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

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Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.  One shouts to the other, “I need you to help me get to the other side!”

The other guy replies, “You’re on the other side!”

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A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway.

Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.

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Guy: “I love you so much, I can’t live without you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you or the beer talking?”
Guy: “It’s me talking to the beer.”

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

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