laugh out loud

Today’s Smile 😃

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Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

There was no chemistry.

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Today’s Smile 😃

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Police officer: Can you identify yourself, sir?

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: Yes, it’s me.

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Today’s Smile 😃

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Mom: “Jeffrey, do you think I’m a bad mother?”

Son: “Mom, my name is Tom.”

Today’s Smile 😃

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I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year …
… Then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

Today’s Smile 😃

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A thief broke into the police headquarters during the night and took all the toilets.

 

Cops report they have nothing to go on.

Today’s Smile 😃

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“A man is at the funeral of an old friend. He approaches the dead man’s wife, and asks if he could say a word.

The wife says that yes, he could. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says ‘Plethora.’

The wife smiles, and says ‘Thank you, that means a lot.'”

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Today’s Smile 😃

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“Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?”

“Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.”

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Today’s Smile 😃

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I just burned 2,000 calories.

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

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Today’s Smile 😃

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I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job.

When I got home all the signs were there.

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Today’s Smile 😃

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“I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my Dad happy.

He always wanted me to go to medical school.”

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