laugh out loud

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

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Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
 
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

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Me: “Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself?”

Me: “No.”

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Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?

The other shakes his head: “No way, look at what happened to the zebra.”

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8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

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Q: Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

A: They never stop to ask directions

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

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Of course I should clean my windows.

But privacy is important too.

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“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.”

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What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?

The slow swimmer.

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