marriage

Sonnet 116: ‘Let me not to the marriage of true minds…’ A Poem by William Shakespeare

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Sonnet 116: ‘Let me not to the marriage of true minds…’

William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Source

Poem of the Day ~ The Last Word

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The Last Word

Mark Van Doren

You looked inside
For what the perishable flesh might hide; 
And now you say that inner part
Will represent her in my heart. 

I tell you no.
Philosopher, I say I loved her so
I did not dig within—content
When seasons came, when seasons went.

When she would frown,
You think I set the meaning of it down?
The meaning goes; but something stays
I shall have with me all my days—

Her forehead bare
One instant, then blown over by her hair; 
A sudden turn; her hand at rest
Upon a window toward the west. . . .

Source

Optimism Work ~ Optimistic Couples Stay Married

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“Optimism also appears to enhance existing relationships in predictable ways. For example, married couples who score higher in optimism are more likely to stay married. They also tend to work together better to solve problems than do more pessimistic couples. Source

It makes sense that optimistic couples believe they can work through the issues they confront. They hold on to the hope and expectation that tomorrow will be better than today.

Joseph Campbell on Staying in Love

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Two people meet and fall in love. Then they marry, and the real Sam or Suzy begins to show through the fantasy, and, boy, is it a shock. So a lot of little boys and girls just withdraw their anima or animus. They get a divorce and wait for another receptive person, pitch the woo again, and, uh-oh, another shock. And so on and so forth. 
Now the one undeniable fact: this disillusion is inevitable. You had an ideal. You married that ideal, then along comes a fact that does not correspond to that ideal. You suddenly notice things that do not quite fit with your projection. So what are you going to do when that happens? There’s only one attitude that will solve the situation: compassion. This poor, poor fact that I married does not correspond to my ideal; it’s only a human being. Well, I’m a human being, too. So I’ll meet a human being for a change; I’ll live with it and be nice to it, showing compassion for the fallibilities that I myself have certainly brought to life as a human being.

Source

To My Dear & Loving Husband ~ Anne Bradstreet

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To My Dear and Loving Husband 

Anne Bradstreet

            IF ever two were one, then surely we.
            If ever man were lov’d by wife, then thee.
            If ever wife was happy in a man,
            Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
            I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
            Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
            My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
            Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.
            Thy love is such I can no way repay.
            The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
            Then while we live, in love let’s so persever
            That when we live no more, we may live ever.

A Lesson & A Smile

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The Crimson Candle*

A man lying at the point of death called his wife to his bedside and said:

“I am about to leave you forever; give me, therefore, one last proof of your affection and fidelity, for, according to our holy religion, a married man seeking admittance at the gate of Heaven is required to swear that he has never defiled himself with an unworthy woman.  In my desk you will find a crimson candle, which has been blessed by the High Priest and has a peculiar mystical significance.  Swear to me that while it is in existence you will not remarry.”

The Woman swore and the Man died.  At the funeral the Woman stood at the head of the bier, holding a lighted crimson candle till it was wasted entirely away.

*Fantastic Fables by Ambrose Bierce. Transcribed from the 1899 G. P. Putnam’s Sons edition by David Pric

Age Is Only A Number

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Age is only a number. Its number does not prevent us from giving the gift of ourselves to others. We are never too young or too old to offer our gift that will brighten someone’s life. Don’t wait until tomorrow, tomorrow may never come. Now is your time. Now is the moment someone is waiting for your gift. The following short Vimeo video shares the gift of a 95-year-old woman and a song she wrote. You can tell by looking at her, she is a woman filled with love.

 

Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga Sang For Us

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I’m sitting at the table. My yogurt, oatmeal, fruit sit in from of me. My cup of hot dark roast coffee in my hand. Everyone is sleeping. I turn on my iPad and tap the USA Today app to check the headlines. Everything is normal. Chaos in Washington. Chaos in Europe. Chaos in the Middle East. Chaos in Asia. I click on sports, the Sox beat the Yanks in the first game of a crucial three-game series. I click on local news. Two headlines grab my attention:

Thieves Hit Steinberg’s Jewelry Boutique Cleaned Out In Overnight Heist

Strange Breakin at the Museum of Rare Small Boxes

My right-hand starts shaking. I set my coffee down spilling some on the table. Will La Flor be sporting a Steinberg’s classic diamond? I enter into stage one, denial. Impossible. Big Carmen wouldn’t do this. Lil Carlo is too old to try. Little Carmen, not smart enough. I feel better. Until . . .

“Ray, Ray, Ray look at my ring?” La Flor prances into the dining room in her pajamas. Her right hand extended in front of her. I’m nearly blinded by the flashes of light given off by a ring so large I can’t see her knuckle.

“Ray, Ray, Ray look at La Flor’s ring,” said La Flor’s echo, AKA Carmela.

“Did I do good, Ray-mo?” asked Little Carmen.

“Can I get you coffee C,” said TT to Carmela.

C? TT and C?

La Flor sidled up next to me and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, TT is practice. He doesn’t stand a chance.”

“When did Little Carmen give you the ring?” I asked.

“You missed it. It was so romantic. I thought Carmela and TT were going to pass out.”

“Where did this happen? How did it happen? You sure it’s not hot?”

“Think like a romantic, Ray. You’re tabloid, hemorrhoid, anthropoid, and typhoid,” La Flor said with a hint of edge.

“Did you mean paranoid?”

“Toss that one in too,” she said.

“Where did you get those words?”

“We played Scrabble after our Romantic dinner.”

“Scrabble after an evening of romance?”

“It was TT’s idea. Never listen to him. He has no clue. Good thing LC made him help me so I could win,” said La Flor.

“He was playing against you. Yet, you made him help you?”

“I didn’t. LC did. We went to Carmen’s Pizzeria for our romantic date.”

“A pizzeria?”

“Yes. He closed it just for the four of us. He had a four-piece band and Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga sang for us.”

“Bennett and Gaga?”

“What’d I say? Big Carmen brings out a hot pizza with all my favorite toppings, cooked the way I like it, and a bottle of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945.”

I ask Siri what that bottle of wine costs. Siri replies, “23 grand. Enjoy.”

“I’m worth every cent. On top of the pizza is a little wooden stand in the middle. On the wooden stand is a small expensive rare box that one can only find at a guarded museum that is probably worth more than everything you own. LC picks up the box. Opens it. And, gives it to me.”

“Did he ask you to marry him?”

“Details, Ray. Details. I’m a big picture woman.”

“He put this rock on my finger. You’ll have to cut my finger off to take it from me.”

I want to ask, “Did it come with a gift receipt? Did Amazon deliver it?”

“You didn’t hear the best part,” La Flor said.

“I didn’t?”

“Big Carmen comes over and gives me a hug. Then he goes and gives Tony Bennett a hug. Then he hugs Lady Gaga.”

“That’s the best part?”

“No, after he whispered something to them, Tony and Lady Gaga came over to request my autograph.”

“Huh?”

 

I’m The Trend Setter

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“La Flor I need your total attention. Please put your iPhone away,” I said.

“Why do we have to do this at Panera? This is not a La Flor kind of place. I need places with an uppity feel,” La Flor complained.

“Like a wine shop?”

“That’s a start in the right direction,” she said.

“The more you concentrate, the quicker we’ll get this done and you can do whatever beautiful, tough, and edgy women do,” I said.

“See, this is the problem with you,” La Flor nipped at my heels.

“What? What did I say to offend you?”

“There are some beautiful women. There are some tough women. There are some edgy women. But there is only one beautiful, tough, and edgy woman. Need I say more?”

“I apologize for my oversight,” I said.

“I’m not sure if I’ll accept it. We’ll see how this conversation goes.”

“I’ll cut to the chase. You don’t want the ring Little Carmen is going to give you.”

“I don’t want a ring a really, really big ring? I don’t want really, really expensive ring? And, I don’t want to be the envy of all the alt ego women? What is wrong with you?”

“For starters, it’s probably hot. A close second, do you really want to marry Little Carmen?”

“Marry? Marry Little Carmen? Who said anything about that? I didn’t. I only want the ring.”

“He thinks he proposed.”

“That’s his problemo. I going to speak in Spanish in case he is listening. Understand, mi perro?”

“I am not your dog. Big Carmen wants to know the date,” I said.

“Tell him to look at his phone’s calendar,” she said. Then she added. “Don’t you dare spoil me getting that ring.”

“It’s hot.” I said.

“Of course it’s hot. Everyone will want one just like it because I have it. I am the trend setter. Where have you been the last few weeks?” asked La Flor.

“What about Big Carmen and Lil Carlo?” I said.

“What about them? They’re sweet, kind, gentle. They wouldn’t hurt a flea. Are we done? I told LC he needs to buy me a completely new wardrobe if I’m to wear the ring he is giving me.”

“You’re digging a hole you’re not going to be able to climb out of,” I said.

“I can’t figure it out, Ray.”

“What?”

“What Big Carmen saw in you to offer you a wonderful career opportunity.”

The Power of Family

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“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.” ― Deb Caletti

“I sustain myself with the love of family.” ― Maya Angelou

A family has always been a big deal for me. When I was growing up, it was a place I called home. I felt wanted, loved, and encouraged. Was it perfect? Not by any measure. We all held our measure of imperfection. It didn’t matter, it was family. Mom and dad always held an open door and waited for me with open arms.

When I married Babe, we decided we would be a family filled with love. We wanted our five girls to know their mom and dad loved each other and modeled their love for them. We loved, we laughed, we celebrated, we cried, and we forgave. Through it all, we remain a family.

All through Babe’s suffering and death, the five girls rallied around me. They sustained me. They did it because that is what loving families do.

All through my grieving period, their love was the foundation from which I gleaned strength, courage, and determination to go on. Why? Because it is what loving families do.

Family is the place we come from and where we feel we can always return.

Family is the place where, in spite of differences, when the chips are down, we count on each other.

Not everyone has the same experience of family as I did. It is never too late to create a sense of family. It takes two people who care deeply about each other. Two people who dare venture into tomorrow. And, two people who will always have each other’s back. I found strength in my large family. I hope you find strength in your family.

Family

 

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