one liners

Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?”
Wife: “I clean the toilet.”
Husband: “How does that help?”
Wife: “I use your Toothbrush.”

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While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”

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“I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.”

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What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”

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Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A. Sue.

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Two couples at a retirement community were sipping iced tea one afternoon.  Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“What’s it called,” Pete asked.

After thinking for a few seconds Harry said, “What are those good smelling flowers called?”

“Do you mean a rose?” asked Pete.

“Yes, that’s it,” said Harry. Harry glanced at his wife and said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

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Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A. I don’t know and I don’t care.

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