It’s easy to let the small, inconsequential things get under our skin. If we’re not careful, these small things fester. Before too long, the small things become a big thing blown well out of proportion. It’s not the other person who is making us miserable, it”s ourselves making ourselves miserable. That’s crazy when you think about it. Why would any sane person want to make themselves miserable? Not every issue or slight needs to be confronted. Not every issue is worth attention or envy. When we let the inconsequential go, we feel better, we may save a relationship, and we don’t add to the anger that currently abounds all around us.
relationships
Today’s Thought: It’s Okay to be Wrong
Everyone has a right to be wrong, more than once. Everyone has a right to mess up, more than once. The folks who like to point fingers and criticize don’t realize when they are pointing a finger they are pointing three fingers back toward themselves. We get along a lot better when we cut each other some slack, laugh at our mistakes, and encourage each other to keep trying.
Today’s Thought: Don’t Wait Until It is Too Late
I live on a cul-de-sac. Two of the homes are getting new roofs today. My roof replacement is scheduled for this month. A lot of homes in my area have already had new roofs. All of this is a result of a spring hail storm. You don’t think about getting a roof replaced untl you need your roof replaced. That’s a lot like life. We don’t think about our health until something happens. When it does we do all we can to get back to a healthy state. Like our roof, we often take our health for granted. It’s the same way with relationships. We may take our relationship with the most important people in our lives for granted. When we lose one of these people it strikes to our core because they can’t be replaced like a roof. Don’t take the important things in your life for granted. They are gifts. Work at staying healthy. Work at letting those close to you know you love them. You’ll never regret doing so.
Today’s Quote: We Are All Connected
We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men. ~ Herman Melville
Today’s Thought: Is it Time for a Change?
One thing is certain about change, we can only change ourselves. We cannot change another person. Our attempts will be futile even when we see something that needs to change. They don’t see it or don’t want to change. Only when the need to change is greater than the effort to change, will the other person decide to change. That’s also true for you and me. Change is an internal mechanism. Each of us has the power to flip our change switch on or off. When we focus on changing ourselves for the better, our life and relationships improve.
Today’s Thought: Regaining the Art of Civility
There is an art to civility where two people can disagree and be civil to each other. It is becoming a lost art. To me, a civil conversation morphs into a dialogue where the parties not only explain their positions, they also seek to understand the other person’s position. One doesn’t have to attack another to prove his/her point is correct. When we can ask, What can I learn from listening? What questions does it raise in my mind? What common areas of agreement exist? And, let me check to make sure I understand what he/she is saying. When we regain the art of civility in our dialogues/conversations personal relationships, political relationships, and work relationships all benefit.
Thinking Out Loud: How Healthy is Your Relationship?
Learning to Appreciate. A look at appreciative inquiry. Excerpts are taken from, Appreciative Inquiry Handbook (2003) by David Cooperrider, Diana Whitney, and Jacqueline Stravros.
“Three factors that give life to healthy organizations are continuity, novelty, and transition. Research has established that visionary organizations and their leadership have the capacity to learn and apply lessons from the best of the past (continuity), to surface and develop ideas for creative acts (novelty), and to enact actual changes in systems and behaviors to progress toward a desired state (transition).” P. 21
Note: I think these three factors, continuity novelty, and transition give life to healthy relationships as well. In healthy relationships the partners are always learning and applying the lessons they learned to their current context. They never stop trying to grow. Great relationships are never static, they are always in growth mode. They apply novelty to their lives in the sense that they look for creative ways to express their love for each other and to find ways in which they can enjoy each other’s company. And they’re always cognizant of life’s transitions. They have desired goals. Their goals are organic and constantly evolving. How is your relationship? Do you have the three factors that make a relationship healthy and alive? It’s never too late to start.
Thinking Out Loud ~ Know When to Step In and Know When to Stand Aside
Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is on Aesop’s Fable, The Dolphins, Whales, and the Sprat. Aesop’s Fables is available for free download here.
The Fable
“The Dolphins quarreled with the Whales, and before very long they began fighting with one another. The battle was very fierce, and had lasted some time without any sign of coming to an end, when a Sprat thought that perhaps he could stop it; so he stepped in and tried [a small fish of the herring family] to persuade them to give up fighting and make friends. But one of the Dolphins said to him contemptuously, “We would rather go on fighting till we’re all killed than be reconciled by a Sprat like you!”
Note: I come from a large extended family, lots of uncles, aunts, and cousins. I enjoyed all of them, but there were some who didn’t enjoy each other. In one family, when my uncle died, my aunt changed her will to make her daughter the executor instead of the oldest son (large families like to gossip about each other when they get together and one family is missing). The family was split between siblings who favored my aunts decision and siblings who disagreed. They stopped talking to each other. A well intentioned uncle tried to broker peace and help them to reconcile. His reward? Both sides stopped speaking to him. There are times, especially in relationship problems, to stand on the sidelines, especially when you are friendly with both parties, and hope the disagreeing factions will come to their senses.
Thinking Out Loud ~ If We Don’t Bend, We Break
Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is on Aesop’s Fable, The Dog and Sow. Aesop’s Fables is available for free download here.
The Fable
“A Dog and a Sow were arguing and each claimed that its own young
ones were finer than those of any other animal. “Well,” said the
Sow at last, “mine can see, at any rate, when they come into the
world: but yours are born blind.”
Note: I’ve observed arguments between intelligent people who both claim to be right. I noticed when they were arguing there was plenty of room to compromise, yet they couldn’t. They refused to see where they did agree and only could see where they disagreed. Because of their high intelligence they kept making their point and showing where the other was weaker. And this went on and on. Finally, the meeting would end with nothing resolved; they would pick up where they left off at the next meeting. Does this make sense? It doesn’t to me. Yet it happens all the time. It happens in our relationships and in our work life. When we ask ourselves a better questions such as where we agree, or, how can we move forward and resolve this issue Will lead to better results and more peaceful relationships.
Thinking Out Loud ~ It is a Great Mystery
Saint-Exupéry writes that it has been six years since the Little Prince left. He reflects on the Little Prince’s visit. He writes:
Sometimes I say to myself, “Once in a while we are distracted and that’s enough! He forgot, one night, the glass globe, or even the sheep came out silently during the night . . . . “ So the bells drown in tears!
Look at the sky. Ask yourself: “The sheep did or did not eat the flower?” And you will see how everything changes. And no grown up will ever understand that it is so important!
Note: We get so busy with the stuff of our life we forget to be distracted and discover the joys that surround us. The little Prince it’s always nearby, however, when we are too busy with all of our stuff we can’t see the little Prince and enjoy our conversations with him. Here’s hoping you find time in your life each day to be distracted and to discover the little Prince in your life.
