Joe: “I went to my physical therapist for treatment and she asked me where I worked. I said the morgue.”
Pete: “How did she treat you?”
Joe: “She told me to do deadlifts.”
One-Liners
Today’s Joke: Joe Asks Customer Service for Help
Joe: “I ordered a deck of cards online a month ago and they haven’t arrived so I called customer service.”
Pete: “What did they say?”
Joe: “They said they were dealing with it.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Accuses Joe of Being Anti-Social
Joe: “My girlfriend accused me of being anti-social.”
Pete: “What did you say?”
Joe: “I said I wasn’t anti-social. I’m just not user friendly.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Gets Great Advice
Joe: “My girlfriend and I went to a relationship counselor and the counselor gave my girlfriend great advice.”
Pete: “What did the counselor tell her?”
Joe: “The counselor told her when she woke up to tell me she loved me instead of saying, ‘It’s you again.'”
Today’s Joke: Joe Starts a New Band.
Joe: “I’m starting a new band we’re calling ourselves the 999mb”
Pete: “How are you doing?”
Joe: “We haven’t had any gigs yet.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Says Something Nice to Joe, Or, Does She?
Joe: “My girlfriend told me, ‘The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.'”
Pete: “That was nice.”
Joe: “She added, ‘It’s still on my list.'”
Today’s Joke: Joe Plans to Breakup With His Girlfriend
Joe: “I’m thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend. She’s a biology teacher.”
Pete: “Is that a problem?”
Joe: “Yes. She has too many skeletons in the closet.”
Today’s Joke:
Joe: “I got a question that’s been bugging me.”
Pete: “What’s your question?”
Joe: “If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent.”
Today’s Joke: Joe and His Girlfriend Broke Up
Joe: “My lactose intolerant girlfriend is broke up with me.”
Pete: “Why did she break up your relationship?
Joe: “She hated my cheesy jokes.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s thinking about making a new year’s resolution
Joe: “I was going to make my new year’s resolution to quit all my bad. habits. But I changed my mind.”
Pete: “Why did you change your mind?”
Joe: “I remembered no one likes a quitter.”
