Joe: “I’m not wearing glasses anymore.”
Pete: “Why’s that, Joe?”
Joe: “I’ve seen enough.”
Joe: “I told myself to stop drinking.”
Pete: “Are you going to do it?”
Joe: “No. Do you think I’m going to listen to a drunk giving me advice.”
Joe: “My Psychologist told me I have CDO.”
Pete: “What’s that?”
Joe: “It’s like OCD but all the letters are in order.”
Joe: “I love my new orthodontic running shoes.”
Pete: “I think you mean orthopedic running shoes.”
Joe: “I stand corrected.”
Joe: “I told my girlfriend it is statistically proven people who talk to themselves are more intelligent and intuitive. She thought it was interesting”
Pete: “What did you say to her?”
Joe: “I said, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Joe: “I went to hospital to visit my dad and saw the nurse coming out of his room.”
Pete: “Did you ask her about your dad?
Joe: “Yah, she said she just took his temperature with her rectal thermometer. She reached in her pocket to show me his temperature and pulled out a pen. She added, “Your dad has my pen.””
Joe: “I have a fear of tsunamis.”
Pete: “How bad is your fear, Joe?”
Joe: “It comes in waves.”
Joe: “I went to a tarot reader and she told me someone was going to cheat me out of some cash.”
Pete: “Do you think it’s true?”
Joe: “That was the best $200 I’ve spent.”
Joe: “When I was out of town, I called the front desk and asked for a wake up call.”
Pete: “Did it work?”
Joe: “Yah, the hotel operator called right back and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life!”
Joe: My therapist told me I might have a marriage phobia. She asked if I thought I had any symptoms?
Pete: “What did you say?”
Joe: “I said, ‘I can’t say I do.'”
