funny

Joe: “I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.”

Bill: “What happened?”

Joe: “The odds were against me.”

Doctor: Jack, this is your wife’s first child, have you ever been present at a childbirth?”

Jack, “Yes, doctor, just once.”

Doctor, “Great. What was it like?”

Jack, “It was dark, then suddenly very bright.”

Source

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse says, “Yes, please!”

Source

Ben: “My wife’s upset with me?”

Joe: “What did you do?”

Ben: I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings.”

Joe: “That was nice of you.”

Ben: “I gave her what she wanted, I got her nothing.”

The person who invented autocorrect…

Should burn in hello.

Source

Pete: “I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance.”

Ken: “How’d she do?”

Pete: “Unfortunately, she blew it.”

Zeke: “I was coming out of the deli when a cable repairman asked me what time it was?”

Pat: “What did you tell him, Zeke?”

Zeke: “I told him it was between noon and five.”

Source

Mack: “I tell you, Joe, so many people these days are too judgmental.”

Joe: “You really think so?”

Mack: “Oh, yah. I can tell just by looking at them.”

Al: “My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.”

Jim: “Did she say anything else?”

Al: “I’ll tell you more after this break.”

Source