funny

Tom: “My wife is upset with me.”

Bill: “What did you do?”

Tom: “I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag. Yet, she can’t understand how I forgot the baby.”

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Ben: “My son was studying vocabulary and asked me what procrastinate means.

Joe: “Did you tell him?”

Ben: “I was busy, I told him I’ll tell him later.” 

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Jack: “Man, I’m upset.”

Pete: “How so, Jack?”

Jack: “I bought a guitar the other day and it doesn’t work.”

Pete: “It doesn’t?”

Jack: “I should’ve known when the seller said no strings attached.”

Jose: “I made some fish tacos last night.”

Mario: “How were they?”

Jose: “The fish ignored them and swam away.”

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Ken: “My girlfriend tells me I have 2 major faults.”

Tom: “Really? What are they?”

Ken: “She said I don’t listen – and something else.”

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Sam: “My girlfriend  claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.”

Joe: “How do you feel about it?”

Sam: “I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.”

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A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”

The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

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 Question: Why was the baby ant confused?

Answer: Because all his uncles were ants.

Harry: “I told my dad he needed to embrace his mistakes.”

Pete: “How did he handle it?”

Harry: “He gave me a hug.”

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Jose: My girlfriend keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.

Marco: Did you stop?

Jose: I can’t, I’m on a roll.

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