funny

Jan: “What day is the best day to go to beach?”

Alice: Gee, I don’t know.

Jan: Sun –  Day, of course.

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Mike: I refuse to buy anything with velcro.

Jack: Why?

Mike: It’s a total ripoff.

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Question: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Answer: Because it’s pointless.

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2 fell in love with 1

2 said, “You’re the only 1 for me.”

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Joe: Why the sour face?

Pete: I broke my finger yesterday.

Joe: That’s to bad.

Pete: On the other hand, I’m fine.

Someone stole my mood ring.

I don’t know how I feel about it.

Source

Mike was always late for work. His boss threatened to fire him. Mike asked his doctor for help. His doctor prescribed a pill  to take it before he went to bed. Mike slept well, and woke up before the alarm went off  in the morning. Mike showed up to work on time.

When Mike got to work, he saw his boss and said, ”The pill actually worked!’

‘That’s great,’ said the boss, ‘But where were you yesterday?’

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Sam walks into his boss’s office and says, ‘Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.’

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

‘By the way,’ asks the boss, ‘Which three companies are after you?’

Sam answers, ‘The electric company, water company, and phone company!’

Source

Joe: Where did you get your new smart phone?
Pete: I won it in a race.
Joe, Really? How many people were in the race?
Pete: Three. A policeman, the owner of the smart phone, and me!!