joke

Joe: “I think I’m getting old, my wife ask me to run upstairs and make love to her.”

Pete: “What makes you think you’re getting old?”

Joe: “I told her I can’t do both.”

Joe: “I went car shopping, saw one I liked, and asked the salesman the sticker price.”

Pete: “What did he say?”

Joe: “He said $200. I said, ‘that’s cheap.’ He said, ‘That’s for the sticker, the car is extra.”

Joe: “We buried my mom in a dress my wife gave her two years ago.”

Pete: “She must have liked the dress.”

Joe: “When my mom got the dress she said, ‘That’s the last thing I’ll wear.'”

Joe: “My wife came home from the store with five cases of beer and a loaf of bread.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I asked if she was expecting company with all the bread she bought.”

Joe: “My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.”

Pete: “Good idea to keep a list, Joe. Is it working out?”

Joe: “Not really, I can’t read it now.”

Joe: “I’m getting older and I need glasses.”

Pete: “That’s part of life, Joe.”

Joe: “I’m talking about glasses of beer. Glasses of wine.”

Joe: “I got laid off yesterday.”

Pete: “That’s rough.”

Joe: “I’ve got a silver lining. The news said there’s 1500 jobs in jeopardy. I’m moving there tomorrow.

Joe: “I have a new job, I have four hundred people under me.”

Pete: “Great, Joe. What do you do?”

Joe: “I cut grass at the cemetery.”

Joe: “I gave a shout out to my grandmother.”

Pete: “That was nice, what was the occasion?”

Joe: “That’s the only way she can hear.”

Joe: “My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to be the sun in her life. I said, yes.”

Pete: “That was nice, Joe.”

Joe: “Then she said, ‘Stay 93 million miles away from me.'”