laugh out loud

Joe: ” Pete do you know the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?”

Pete: “Can’t say I do. What is it?”

Joe: “Anyone can mash potatoes.”

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Joe: “My grandpa asked me how to print on his computer.”

Pete: “Were you able to help him?”

Joe: “When I told him it’s Ctrl-P, he said he hadn’t been able to do that for years.”

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Joe: “I bought a toilet brush yesterday.”

Pete: “That’s interesting.”

Joe: “I tell yah, Pete, I still prefer toilet paper.”

Joe: “It took me a while but I finally told my hot coworker how I felt.”

Pete: “What happened?”

Joe: “Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioning.”

Joe:  “My wife and I had an argument about which vowel was most important.”

Pete: “How’d it come out?”

Joe: “I won.”

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A man walks into a seafood store carrying a trout under his arm.

“Do you make fish cakes?” he asked.

“Yes, we do,” replied the fishmonger.

“Great,” said the man, “It’s his birthday.”

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Joe: “My wife and I went to a marriage counselor.”

Pete: “How did it work out?”

Joe: “The counselor ask us, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

Joe: “My friend Al went bald years ago, but he still carries around an old comb with him.”

Pete: “Why does he do that?”

Joe: “Al just can’t seem to part with it.”

Joe: “My girlfriend thinks I don’t respect her privacy.”

Pete: “Are you sure?”

Joe: “That’s what it says in her diary.”

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Joe: “When I was a kid, my parents always said, “Excuse my French” after a swear word.”

Pete: “My parents said the same thing to me.”

Joe: “I’ll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked me if I knew any French.”

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