one line jokes

Joe: “I’m really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, my wife loves me, and my doctor says I’m the picture of perfect health.

Pete: Wow! That’s great! Is there anything wrong with you?”

Joe: My therapist told me I’m a compulsive liar.”

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Joe: “I really want to tell my co-worker I have strong feeling for her.”

Pete: “Don’t be shy, Joe. Go for it.”

Joe: “You really think I should tell her I can’t stand her?”

Joe: “I lasted only one day working as a massage therapist. The owner fired me.”

Pete: “What happened, Joe?”

Joe: “The owner said I was rubbing people the wrong way.”

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Joe: “I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise.”

Pete: “That’s great, Joe. What companies were after you?”

Joe: “Gas, water, and electricity.”

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Joe: “I look terrible this morning. I got a black eye and busted lip.”

Pete: “What happened, Joe?”

Joe: “I was trying to defend girlfriend’s reputation.”

Pete: “You’re a great guy, Joe.”

Joe: “I didn’t know my wife could hit so hard.”

Molly: “I went to the doctor and the doctor said, “I have acute appendicitis.”

Sophie: “What did you say?”

Molly: “I said, “Compared to who?“

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Joe: “In my annual performance review my supervisor said I lack passion and focus.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe; “I told her she should see me with a pizza.”

Joe: “The school called me today and told me my son’s been telling lies.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I said, ‘Congratulate him on how well he lies, I don’t any kids.”

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Joe: “After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist finally said something that made me cry.”

Pete: “What did he say?”

Joe: “No hablo ingles.”

Source