What Comes Around Goes Around

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“Why are you pacing back and forth, looking out the window, and checking your iPhone?” I asked La Flor.

She stopped pacing, turned and glared at me with her arms akimbo, and said, “I’m pacing for my cardio work. I’m looking out the window because I’m on neighborhood watch, and I’m checking my iPhone to make sure there is no fake news about me.”

“You expect me to believe that story?” I asked.

“Why not? You fall for everything else I say,” she said and went to the window and looked down the street.

“What are you worried about?” I asked.

“Can you tell? I thought I was hiding it so well,” La Flor said.

“It was a wild guess. Are you worried about Little Carmen? What’s he up to?”

“Why would I be worried about LC? He’d never do anything wrong. He’d never do anything illegal. He’d never have to make bail. Oh Ray, LC’s with Lil Carlo.”

“I warned you. I told you not to get mixed up with Big Carmen and Lil Carlo. You wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Go back and rewrite everything. You’re the one writing the blog. Fix it. Make LC a College president who always sucks up to me. All you have to do is change a sentence her, a paragraph there, and title now and then and hit update. How hard is that? You’re my friend right?”

“I’m your friend, but …”

The door, my wall, the handyman bills are going to keep piling up.

“I’m home beautiful, tough, and edgy one. I gots some surprises for use,” said Little Carmen wearing a black stocking hat, gloves, and black T.

“Ray, push the pause on that last request until I check out the surprises,” said La Flor. She turned to Little Carmen and said, “Come over here you fine male specimen, what did you bring your beautiful, tough, and edgy woman?”

“After I helped out Big Carmen, me and Lil Carlo picks up a few things on the way out.”

The way out of where? What did Big Carmen have him doing? I may as well get it over with. “Little Carmen, what did you and Lil Carlo do tonight?”

“It was an easy squeezy job Ray-mo. Big Carmen was running low on crushed tomatoes, wine, and imported anchovies, imported meats, and the most expensive cheeses money can buy. We gots them for him. And, when we were finished, I stopped by an old acquaintance’s house and got a few gifts of which I am going to show my beautiful, tough, and edgy one.”

My heart started pounding. I have visions of being raided. I’m watching Little Carmen hand La Flor a string of small pearls and matching earrings.

“Ray, how do they look? You never got me pearls. LC is so thoughtful, kind, and masculine,” said La Flor before she threw herself into Little Carmen’s arms and kissed him.

I walked out the room and let them have their space. I turned on my computer. Out of habit I checked the local news.

Chef Vigeli’s Culinary School Hit By Thieves.

In a related story, world renowned Chef Leo Vigeli’s house was hit by burglars who took an undetermined amount of jewelry. Chef Vigeli says it’s probably a culinary school prank and won’t file a police report.

“Huh?”

You Have Extraordinary Strength

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You have extraordinary strength. You are simply amazing. Do you realize your incredible strength? Do recognize your courage? Do you know you are capable of achieving dreams no one else has ever accomplished? It’s true. Let Rohan Murphy inspire you with his strength, his courage, and his dreams. He didn’t let his setback keep him back. He fought back. He won. He is today’s inspiration.

 

Fill My Soaker Tub

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“LC lets think about the basics,” said La Flor holding Little Carmen’s hand.

“Do use mean basically this and basically that,” asked Little Carmen.

La Flor said, “You’re so adorable, muscular, and … and … and.”

“And, what’s, beautiful, tough, and edgy one,” asked Little Carmen.

“Getting back to basics, LC. I want a poem every day telling me how wonderful I am,” said La Flor.

“I already has one ready, “Roses are red, violets are blue no one is cuter than use.”

“We’ll skip the poems,” said La Flor. Then she added, “This is a speed drill.”

“I am all speed for use, my beautiful, tough, and edgy one.”

“Let’s see how fast you can go to Starbucks and return with a mocha frappuccino. Pay attention. No melting allowed. No spillage allowed. Extra whipped cream.”

“I got it.”

“Ready, set, go, you’re on the clock. You fail, you’re out,” said La Flor.

What word or words can describe a hairy, muscular man wearing a skin tight Carmen’s Pizzeria t-shirt. None. He hurdled the shrubs, bounded on the hood of a car parked on the street, dodge cars crossing the street, and knocked over two trash cans, straight armed a jogger before he disappeared around the corner.

“Do you think you are being fair to Little Carmen?” I asked La Flor.

“Fair? Fair? If life were fair, Ray, every woman would be as beautiful as me. They’re not. So let’s not talk about fair.

“He might get tired of being treated this way and leave you,” I said.

“Surely you jest. Leave me? How often does one of your species get to be with someone like me? Don’t answer because the answer is obvious.”

“I think you’re emphasizing edgy.”

“I’ve got to bring LC back to the middle. He went too far to the edge. He was pushing the boundaries with the cooking gig.”

The door slams. Handyman time again. “I’m back. Did I makes it? I borrowed a 15 speed from a barrista,” said a puffing Little Carmen.

La Flor sips her drink, smiles, “Perfect LC. You passed test. Now, fill my soaking tub, put candles around it, and pour a glass of white wine for me. Don’t forget to lay out my terrycloth towels, body lotion, and put on my fav playlist.”

Little Carmen’s cell phone rings. He answers it, “Yes, Big Carmen. Yes, Big Carmen. Yes, Big Carmen. Yes, Lil Carlo.”

Little Carmen put the phone in his pocket, “I’m going to starts the water in the soaker tub, beautiful, tough, and edgy one, but I gotta go, Big Carmen got a problem, he needs a sub. I gotta go with Lil Carlo on an errand.”

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug,

“Be careful, LC.  Don’t get caught. Text me?”

“Will do, my beautiful, tough, and edgy one.”

“Don’t get caught?” I asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing?”

“Huh?’

 

 

You Have A Wonderful Gift

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Have you discovered your marvelous gift? Keep searching. It’s there. Keep searching. Once you find it, embrace it, polish it until you and your gift are one. You’ll shine bright. Finding our gift doesn’t come easy. It’s hard work. We may toil for years, but when we discover it, hold on to it, don’t let go, and shine, shine. shine. Whatever your gift is, let it take hold of you and lead you on your journey.

 

Let’s Boogie

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“What are you doing, La Flor?” I asked.

“What does it look like? I staring out the window. I wondering what life is all about. What is life all about, Ray?” whined La Flor.

“What’s wrong? I’ve not see you so low?”

La Flor turned me. The woman wasn’t wearing makeup. She looked like she belonged in the church choir. She was wearing a sweatshirt and jammy bottoms. And, it was two in the afternoon. She is seriously down.

“Take a good look at me, Ray. Do you see it?”

“See what?” I asked.

“I didn’t touch it. I won’t touch it. Don’t you touch it. It’s contagious,” she said.

“What? You look great,” I lied.

“I can tell when you’re lying,” she said.

“You can?”

“Yes. You try to sound sincere,” La Flor said.

“You men. You’re all the same. Where’s LC when I need him. He’s at school. There is no one here to dote me. Cater to me. He’s exhausted when he comes home. He doesn’t want to go out. Chef school is killing our relationship. It’s making age before my time.”

What does a sensitive male do in these situations? I Google, “what does a sensitive male do in these situations.” Google’s first answer, “Are you serious?” I asked Siri, “what does a sensitive male do in these situations?” Siri answered, “You’re obviously a male. Your species is not sensitive.”

La Flor spoke, a hint of tears in her eyes, “What am I going to do about this, Ray.”

I looked at La Flor pointing to her head, “Your head looks fine. What’s wrong?”

“A gray hair. A gray hair. A gray hair,” she screamed.

I bent closer to look at the agent of evil, the gray hair. I said, “Did you hug Big Carmen yesterday?”

“Yes?”

“I think it is his hair. It’s not attached to your head.”

La Flor raced to the bathroom. I heard a scream of joy. A shout of exhilaration. A howl of delight. The shower turned on. I heard music playing. Her world was turning around.

An hour later La Flor walked out as if she was heading out to wherever the beautiful people head to in the late afternoon.

Before she can say a word. “Beautiful, tough, and edgy one, I am home to beg use forgiveness.”

Enter Little Carmen.

“It’s too late. You’re history. You’re in my past,” said La Flor.

“I want to dote on use. I want to cater to use. I want to jump tall buildings for use,” pleaded Little Carmen.

“Really?”

“Chef Vigeli kicked me out of school today. He said he’d just as soon die as to keep teaching me.”

“I love that man. Shower, shave, and let’s boogie, ” said La Flor.

All was right again.

 

 

Fuel Your Passion

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I get inspired by people who won’t quit, who fight the greatest of odds and succeed. They fuel my courage to fight on, to never look back, to only look ahead. These are the people who don’t say life is unfair, they take life as it is and make the most of it. Get inspired by the Blind piano genius Derek Paravicini. You’ll be amazed and have your passions fueled.

 

He’s Never Seen A Dish Like La Flor

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“I don’t want to go to a parent teacher conference. My daughters are all grown,” I said.

“Ray, it’s me, Big Carmen. I’m like your brother. In fact, I’m your bro. See what I mean?”

Yes, I see what he means. He’s certifiable. He’s two eighth notes short of a whole note. He’s a pizza without cheese, I don’t care how they make it in California. Yes, he’s Big Carmen. So I answer, “I see what you mean.”

He fist bumps me. Then he said, “I had a bro, but now I don’t have a bro unless you are my bro which use just agreed to, which means use accepted the family charter.”

“What family charter? Who was your bro before I was your bro. What happened to your bro?”

“Poor, poor, poor Roggereo. I don’t like to talk, speak, or converse about him,” said Big Carmen.

“Why?” I asked.

“The Feds might be listening and find out where we sent Roggereo until everything blows over.”

“He’s alive? You sent him somewhere? What did he do?”

“Let’s say I have my own witness protection operation. This is one of the perks use gets for being family. Now use is family. See, use is a Calabrese, that’s like being a next door neighbor. Neighbors help each other, right?”

He should have been a lawyer, a politician, he twists logic and words so that insanity makes sense. Thankfully, the conversation ends when . . .

“Do I look okay to go to Chef Vigeli’s for LC’s parent conference?” asked La Flor.

Big Carmen gives her a construction worker whistle, then says, “Perfecto beautiful, tough, and edgy one. Vigeli never seen a dish like use.”

I looked at La Flor. Okay, she wearing her patterned spikes. She’s wearing very short shorts but admittedly stylish, and her workout bra.

“What do you think, Ray?”

“Little Carmen will be happy to see you,” I said.

A half hour later we’re at Vigeli’s Culinary School. Little Carmen is off in a corner away from anything he might damage working at a table learning to make Kool-Aid. I hear him holler, “Clef, Clef, Clef, do I mix the blue and yellow, or the green and blue.”

Chef Vigeli hollers back, “No, no. no. How many times do I have to tell you, only make blue Kool-Aid.”

Chef Vigeli turns and sees the three of us. He walks over and embraces Big Carmen, Big Carmen embraced Chef Vigeli. Big Carmen said, “Chef, I suppose use called me to tell me how good he is doing. Am I right?”

“I do anything for you, Big Carmen. You gave me the money to get started. You paid off my student loans. You sent me to Rome to work with  Chef Faloni, the greatest Chef in Italy. But this, this, this …

Big Carmen places his arm around Chef Vigeli shoulder, “Let’s me introduce use to some people. This guy with the nose and ears, he’s my bro. Use know what that means when I says he’s my bro?

“Uh, no.”

“Okay. I understand. See, the beautiful, tough, and edgy one?”

Chef Vigeli stares at La Flor. His eyeball nearly the size of tennis balls. “Who is this beautiful, tough, and edgy one. Is she unattached?”

“She is La Flor, beautiful, tough, and edgy and LC’s so significant other. She is very proud of LC. And, I for one, or two, or make that three, I don’t want to her to be desensitized. I got that word from the Discovery Channel.

From the corner, “Clef, Clef, Clef I mixed green Kool-Aid with your 1964 Barolo Riserva Speciale. It was old so I knews use didn’t need it. I made an invention.”

Chef Vigeli fainted.

Big Carmen hollered, “Atta boy.”

La Flor said, “Grab two unopened bottles and lets split.”

I said, “What about the Chef?”

Big Carmen said, “Let him sleep, he looks tired.”

Each Moment Is Precious

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How do you spend your time? Each moment is precious. Our children are young only once, spend time with them. The person you love most, don’t miss a single second, you’ll never regret it. Parents, neighbors, friends, all are precious, never take them for granted. Make each moment with them, a special moment. Wrap your arms around the moment  use it as if it is your last moment and don’t let go. The following one-minute YouTube video makes one think about how we use our time.

 

Courage Comes In All Sizes

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We humans are an amazing species! When we refuse to quit; when we don’t return the RSVP to the pity party; when we dig down deep grabbing hold of handful of determination, courage, and desire. nothing will stop us. Are you stuck? Running in place? Feeling sorry for yourself because things are not going your way? A young woman, Jessica, without any arms, learned to fly a plane and lives a full, meaning-filled life. Go Jessica, you are a wonderful example for us.

 

He Didn’t Fall Far From The Olive Tree

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I’m beginning to think I need to call my home Carmen’s East. Big Carmen and some associate, mostly Lil Carlo show up on a daily basis. He walks in without knocking. It doesn’t matter if the doors locked, the alarm triggered, or I have a welcoming mat for him.

I’m vacuuming when I hear, “Use don’t have to do dat.”

“Who’s going to do it?” I asked.

“My manager, TT. He can use the extra work. Hey, what a friends for?”

I said, “Is that a question you want me to answer or a statement?”

Big Carmen scratched his head, “It’s what I call don’t forget the favors I does for use or else. The reason I’m hear now is I’m keeping my bad eye on my kid, and my good eye on the beautiful, tough, and edgy one. Know what I mean?”

Fool number one says, “No.” Fool number two, “Do you think that’s appropriate.” Before I answer I see Lil Carlo rubbing his hand gun against his cheek. His nose is almost as long as the gun’s barrel. I say, “Know what you mean.”

“Besides, I wants to hear her read the scriptomatic.”

Where does he come up with these words? Who understands him? I said, “You fellows want a beer? Wine? Kale chips? Carrot sticks? Protein Bar? Figs? Raw Almonds?’

Big Carmen interrupts, “Don’t use have no real food like my today’s special, tomato and basil vegetarian pizza with double sausage. Get a large one for three ninety-nine. Have us pick the sausage off, twenty-two seventy-one.”

“No. I didn’t realize it was today’s special,” I said.

“I’m gonna call Rocko. He’ll give us one of the pizza’s he’s delivering.”

“Do you think that’s fair to person waiting for the pizza?” I asked.

“Yah. If they’s gots a complaint, I send them to the complaint department.”

“You have a complaint department?” I asked.

“It’s me,” said Lil Carlo sliding a bullet into the chamber.

A voice from behind the bedroom door, “I’m ready. Are you boys ready? I’m only wearing jeans and a shirt. LC cut class yesterday, he didn’t want to miss two days in a row even though Chef Vigeli said he was tops in his class.

I wanted to shout, ‘He’s being tutored one on one, of course he’s tops and the bottom as well.’  Not worth it.

“Okay beautiful, tough, and edgy, We are disappointed we won’t get the full eye candy treatment but we understands,” said Big Carmen.

La Flor struts out in her poured into jeans, a white button shirt tied just above her navel, and her spikes. I thought both men were going to reach for angina tabs.

She walks to front of the TV, unbuttons the two top buttons of her shirt.

“This is a good start. People gonna love you. I don’t thinks use need LC.”

“I was thinking the same thing, you adorable creature.”

Big Carmen nudges Lil Carlo, “She got a way with the words.”

La Flor reads her script, “You girls want to look as good as me? Sorry, I won’t lie. It’s impossible. But, you can look lot better than you look now if you take the Post Puberty Pill, that’s PPP.  I made the tramp, my former protege, take this pill for a week, and you should see the difference. Firmer in the right places, all the cellulite gone in the wrong places, and her cell is busy with losers calling her for a date. What are you waiting for? You’ve been tied up with your loser for how long? The answer, long enough. Ask your doctor about a prescription. Don’t worry about the side effects. We have a cream for facial hair. An ointment for outrageously big pimples, and you won’t need birth control, you’ll be sterile after two doses.

“How did I do with the rewrites?” La Flor waiting anxiously for the applause.

Saved by the door crashing into the living room wall. Good thing I have the handyman on retainer.

“Did I miss it beautiful, tough, and edgy woman?” said Little Carmen carrying a pizza box.

Big Carmen forgot about his critique of La Flor’s rewrites, jumped up and went to embrace Little Carmen.

“Use did not fall far from the olive tree. Use making pizza at Vigeli’s? I’m so proud of use.”

“Nah. I grabbed it from Rocko. He was about to come in.”

“How did cooking class go today,” asked Big Carmen.

“Bass Clef Vigeli wants a parent conference.”

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