humorous

Joe: “The fact that germs enter my body without my permission is not right.”

Pete: “Right on, Joe.”

Joe: “They just makes me sick.”

Source

Joe: “I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a smile this morning?”

Pete: “What did you do?”

Joe: “I’m not allowed to use magic markers anymore.”

Source

Joe: “I told a joke to my wife while she was having a baby.”

Pete: “What did she say, Joe?”

Joe: “I thought I did a good job until she told me to focus on the delivery.”

Source

Joe: “Pete, do you ever get a shooting pain in your neck like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it?”

Pete: “No, I haven’t, Joe.”

Joe: “How about now, Pete?” 

Source

Joe: “My wife asked me to put ketchup on our shopping list.”

Pete: “Did you do it?”

Joe: “Yes, but now we can’t read the list.”

Source

Joe: “I was playing chess with my girlfriend and she said, “Let’s make this interesting.”

Pete: “What did you do?”

Joe: “We stopped playing chess.”

Joe: “I have an imaginary friend and he keeps making fun of me.”

Pete: “How so, Joe?”

Joe: “He keeps saying at least he has a real person as a friend.”

Source

Joe: “My girlfriend text me to say she was breaking up with me because I am too childish.”

Pete: “What did you do?”

Joe: “I went over to her house and rang the doorbell and ran away.”

Source

Joe: “My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told my ex she should join an anti vax group.”

Pete: “Why did you do that?”

Joe: “She likes to be surrounded by people who don’t last long.”