humorous

Joe: “I told my girlfriend I don’t like it when she makes jokes about my weight.”

Pete: “What did she say?”

Joe: “She told me to lighten up.”

Joe: “I spoke with my family today after WiFi was down.”

Pete: “That was nice.”

Joe: “They seem like nice people.”

Joe: “I asked my girlfriend what she liked best about me, my good looks or sexy body.”

Pete: “What did she say.”

Joe: “She said she like my sense of humor.”

Joe: “My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m a compulsive gambler.”

Pete: “How are you handling it, Joe?”

Joe: “All I can think of is how can I win her back.”

Joe: “My girlfriend apologized to me for the first time last night.”

Pete: “Great. What did she say?”

Joe: “She said she was sorry she ever met me.”

Joe: “I quit going to my chiropractor.”

Pete: “Why was that, Joe?”

Joe: “He was always trying to manipulate me.”

Source

Joe: “My girlfriend and I split.”

Pete: “That’s too bad, Joe. What happened?”

Joe: “We didn’t see eye to eye. She’s cross-eyed and was seeing someone on the side.”

Joe: “I got fired from job at the cemetery yesterday.”

Pete: “Why did they fire you, Joe?”

Joe: “They said I made a grave mistake.”

Source

Joe: “My girlfriend asked me if I knew why black widow spiders kill their mates after mating.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I asked her why and she said, ‘To stop them from snoring.'”

Source

Joe: “I bought a memory foam pillow.”

Pete: “That’s great. How’s it working?”

Joe: “I can’t remember where I put it.”