humorous

Joe: “I told my psychiatrist I felt like a failure. She asked me if I ever tried to kill myself.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told her, “About four times, but I’m not very good at it.”

Joe: “My uncle collapsed and died at a family get together.”

Pete: “That’s horrible, Joe. Did you try to help?”

Joe: “No, we were playing a game of charades and couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say.”

Joe: “My came into my cubicle and told me it was the third time I was late this week.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told him it was only Wednesday.”

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Joe: “I told my doctor every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my eye?”

Pete: “What did your doctor tell you?”

Joe: “My doctor told me to take the spoon out of my cup before I drink my coffee.”

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Joe: “My divorce is just like buying espresso from Starbucks.”

Pete: “How so, Joe?”

Joe: “It’s expensive and bitter.”

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Joe: “My doctor told me it was time for me to start breaking into a sweat every day.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told my doctor I’d start lying to my girlfriend.”

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Joe: “I figured out my job is really secure.”

Pete: “That’s great, Joe. What’s the reason?”

Joe: “No one else wants it.”

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Joe: “I tried to explain to my three year old son that it’s normal to poop in your pants.”

Pete: “What did you tell him, Joe?”

Joe: “I asked him to stop making fun of me.”

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Joe: “Time really flies at work. My day seems over almost as soon as it starts.”

Pete: “That’s great, Joe. What do you do?”

Joe:  “I snack, read Facebook, Instagram, and Tip Tok  and  see how many likes I got on my four dating apps. Time really flies.”

Joe: “I’ve got a dental appointment for my toothache.”

Pete: “Are you nervous?”

Joe: “No, I know the drill.”