humorous

Joe: “I’m teaching a math seminar to short people.”

Pete: “That’s nice. What’s the seminar called?”

Joe: “It’s called, ‘Making Little Things Count.'” 

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Joe: “Our marriage counselor told me I should treat my wife like it was our first date.”

Pete: “How did your respond.”

Joe: “I dropped her off at her parents.”

Joe: “Three years ago I asked the woman of my dreams for a date. Last night I asked her to marry me.”

Pete: “What did she say, Joe.”

Joe: “She said no both times.”

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Joe: “I went to my bus stop and there was a pregnant woman waiting for the bus. I asked her when it was due, she said, “two weeks.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I said,’ In that case, I’ll just walk to work.'”

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Joe: “My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and the waiter asked me what vegetable I wanted for a side.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I wasn’t sure so I said, “Beets me.”

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Joe: “I’m thinking of a career switch. I want to estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.”

Pete: “That’s interesting.”

Joe: “Any idea how many people are in that field?”

Joe: “I moved into a new apartment this weekend.”

Pete: “Is there a gym in the building?”

Joe: “I don’t know, I haven’t met everyone.”

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Joe: “I took my girlfriend to a classy restaurant last night and the maître d’ said, ‘Do you have reservations?'”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I said, ‘Yes, I have reservations, I hear the portions are small, the wait staff snooty, and you don’t have pizza.”

Joe: “I quit my gym this morning because my personal trainer started shouting at me, “Come on Joe, you’ve got to want it! Come on push. You can do it.”

Pete: “This bothered you?”

Joe: “I hate being disturbed when I’m sitting on the toilet.”

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Joe: “I think I’m going to leave my wife. Every night she hits bar after bar.”

Pete: “Why is she doing that, Joe?”

Joe: “She’s looking for me.”

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