joke

Joe: “I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she’d been with.”

Pete: “What did she say?”

Joe: “She said, ‘Yes, the others were eights or nines.'”

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Joe: “My wife came into the bar last night as I was drinking with the boys and she said, ‘You’re leaving now.'”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I said, I just got here. She said, ‘I’m talking to our sons.'”

Joe: “I made a graph of all my girlfriends.”

Pete: “How did you do that, Joe?”

Joe: “I started with an ex axis, then added a why axis.”

Joe: “My ex wife is deaf and she left me for a deaf guy she met.”

Pete: “That’s too bad, Joe.”

Joe: “I should have paid attention to the signs.”

Joe: “Pete, do you know the difference between a calendar and me?”

Pete: “No, what is it?”

Joe: “A calendar has dates.”

Joe: “A woman on dating site sent me message, “You look great, how come your still single.”

Pete: “How did you respond?

Joe: “I said, ‘You should have used ‘you’re’ instead of your.'”

Joe: “I’ve upped my dating game. I’m only dating women who have had COVID.”

Pete: “Why are you doing that, Joe.”

Joe: “They have no taste.”

Joe: “Yesterday, I got hit in the head with a can of soda.”

Pete: “Are you okay?”

Joe: “I was lucky it was a soft drink.”

Joe: “Gambling really helped me get me back on my feet.”

Pete: “How so,,Joe.

Joe: “I lost my car in a polka game

Joe: “My girlfriend called me yesterday and said she was breaking up.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I asked her if she was in an elevator because I could hear her just fine.”