joke

Joe: “A cold caller was trying to sell me a cemetery plot.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told her it was the last thing I needed.”

Joe: “I received a letter from my credit card company that said, ‘FINAL NOTICE.'”

Pete: “What are you going to do?”

Joe: “Nothing. It was a final notice, they won’t be bothering me again.”

Joe: “About ten years ago I threw a boomerang as far and as hard as I could.”

Pete: “How’d it work out?”

Joe: “I’ve been living in constant fear ever since.”

Source

Joe: “I set up a blind date between two of my lisping friends.”

Pete: “How did it go?”

Joe: “After they finished accusing each other of mocking, they got along fine.”

Joe: “My girlfriend broke up with me. She said my ego was too big.”

Pete: “How did you react?”

Joe: “I told her, I can’t help it if I’m the best guy you ever met.”

Joe: “I got in trouble at a DUI roadblock.”

Pete: “What happened.”

Joe: “I was polite. I asked the policeman if he minded holding my beer while got my license and registration.”

Joe: “I went to the doctor and he told me my tonsils have to come out. I told him I wanted a second opinion.”

Pete: “What did the doctor say?”

Joe: “My doctor said, “Okay, you’re overweight.”

Joe: “My wife complained that our neighbor kisses his wife goodbye each morning but I don’t.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I asked her if she’d wanted me to kiss my neighbor’s wife before I went to work.”

Joe: “After winning my game, I through my ball into the crowd like the pros do on TV.”

Pete: “How did it go over?”

Joe: “Not to well. Apparently, I shouldn’t have thrown my bowling ball into the crowd.”

Source

Joe: “My girlfriend told me sex is better on vacation.”

Pete: “Did you agree with her?”

Joe: “I’ll have to wait until she returns from her vacation.”