Joe: “I’m on a seafood diet.”
Pete: “How does it work?”
Joe: “Whenever I see food, I eat it.”
Joe: “I’m in a long distance relationship.”
Pete: “Where does your girlfriend live?”
Joe: “Somewhere in the future.”
Joe: “I met a girl at the bar and asked her for a date.”
Pete: “What did she say?”
Joe: “She said she only dated well traveled men. I told her I took a subway and bus to get to the bar.”
Joe: “I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday.”
Pete: “How did it work out?”
Joe: “My kleptomania is out of control.”
Joe: “My boss suggested I begin my presentation with a joke.”
Pete: “What did you do?”
Joe: “I showed a photo of my paycheck on my first PowerPoint slide.”
Joe: “I got a job at a paperless office.”
Pete: “How’s it working out?”
Joe: “Everything was great until I went to the toilet.”
Joe: “My ex texted me and said, ‘Wish you were here.'”
Pete: “That’s nice. Where was she?”
Joe: “Walking through a cemetery.”
Joe: “My girlfriend and I went hiking and made it to the top of a mountain.”
Pete: “Did you have fun?”
Joe: “Everything went downhill after that.”
Joe: “My girlfriend asked me when I wanted to get married.”
Pete: “What did  you say?”
Joe: “Apparently, ‘when I meet the right girl’ was the wrong answer.
Joe: “My girlfriend got me a get better soon card.”
Pete: “That’s nice, Joe. I didn’t know you were sick.”
Joe: “I wasn’t. She just wanted wanted me to get better.”
