Age is only a number. Its number does not prevent us from giving the gift of ourselves to others. We are never too young or too old to offer our gift that will brighten someone’s life. Don’t wait until tomorrow, tomorrow may never come. Now is your time. Now is the moment someone is waiting for your gift. The following short Vimeo video shares the gift of a 95-year-old woman and a song she wrote. You can tell by looking at her, she is a woman filled with love.
“I gonna call a meeting to protect us from forces even too big for the government to stop. Even too big for Big Carmen and the Mob to threaten. Use sees, if I don’t do nothing then nobody is going to do nothing, no how, no way, no time,” said Little Carmen.
“Are you going to do nothing? Is that what you’re saying?” I said.
“That’s exactly my point, Ray-mo. Thanks for asking da question. Like I said, which I didn’t say hold the questions. If you got one question raise your hand with one finger, but not the middle one in the case of misinterruption. If use has two questions raise your hand with two fingers and in this case, use may use the middle finger provision it comes up second and is in the basement to the next finger. If the next finger is cut off use got to use your pinky and ring finger,” said Little Carmen.
“You are so smart, LC. Ray and TT could take lessons from you,” said La Flor checking her social media and unfollowing anyone who she thought was unattractive or a potential competitor.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“The question about hows I’m gonna donates use eyes back to use if use don’t have any eyes,” said Little Carmen.
I held up my hand, “Does anyone have a clue as to what Little Carmen is talking about? He’s way over my head?” Sometimes I’ll say anything to keep peace among these four.
“We don’t have mucho time, Ray-mo. The beautiful, tough, and edgy fancy is teaching me to speaks Spinglish.”
“Do you mean fiancé?” I said.
“That’s what I said,” Little Carmen replied.
“What’s Spinglish?” I asked.
TT raises his hand.
“Yes, TT,” I said.
“If I may, perhaps I can help. Spinglish is a combo Spanish, English and street trash talk often found among the uneducated, buffoons of the lower Malgoola River in New Zealand. As far as the first part, he’s talking about the moon and the sun at the celestial cotillion on Monday.”
I used to think TT had more on the ball than the rest, he’s tottering on the edge of a precipice and if he falls, there is no coming back.
“Thanks for the clear if ick a shun,” said Little Carmen believing he was sounding intelligent because he slowly enunciated each syllable of a word.
“Are we finished, LC? I have a nail appointment in twenty minutes,” said La Flor while she was reading her texts.
“Give me five more minutes beautiful, tough, edgy who is wearing a rock so big it will be the envy of every woman who lived or will live.”
“What about extra-terrestrial women?” asked La Flor.
“Great question my beautiful, tough, and edgy mentor,” said Carmela.
“Huh. Is that like the women who wear too much makeup?”
TT nods. Carmela sees TT nod and does the same. La Flor not wanting to lose her audience nods as well and adds, “Too much makeup takes away from one’s natural beauty. But, of course, you have to have natural beauty like me.”
“Well said, my beautiful, tough, and edgy mentor,” Carmela doing her best to suck up to La Flor.
Five more minutes, then I’m out of here, I tell myself. Nothing useful is coming out of this household meeting.
“Likes I was salivating, if use looks directly into the mirror during the e-slips, use will lose your irises and once use lose them, the only place to find them is in the lost and found if somebody turns them in.”
La Flor shouted, “Bravo. We’re done. I don’t have to look into the mirror because I’m perfect. Anyone disagree?”
La Flor looked for a show of hands, “We’re all in agreement. Carmela pay careful attention to how I make the nail techs to do my nails. If you don’t they can be pushy. And, while I’m having my nails done, I want you to go and get me my fav Starbucks drink. You’ll have to hold it up for me to drink because I don’t want to mess my nails.”
“Uh huh,” obeyed Carmela.
The thought of an empty house almost overwhelms me with gratitude. Los cuatro amigos out for the afternoon and perhaps longer. My mind races with plans. A few phone calls and I’ll have dinner with a friend and intelligent conversation. Until . . .
My iPhone rings with a special ringtone for someone I hope never calls me. The ringtone plays the theme from the Godfather.
August 19 – Today is the first anniversary of the death of my best friend, soul mate, and wife, Barb Calabrese. I called her Babe. A remarkable woman who taught me more about love than all the words I’ve read on the subject. She touched a large Twitter following, @Barb_Calabrese, reaching out in simple, love-filled ways.
My year has been a year of learning to dance with grieving. A year of learning how to live without someone whom I shared the most intimate secrets of my soul. A year of grappling with why? And, discovering I’ll never know the answer. A year of discovering I am not alone on this journey. All who have suffered a deep loss understand the grieving experience without speaking. They understand by looking into each other’s eyes. Their messages travel silently from heart to heart.
In my year of grieving, I rediscovered a deep faith in God. For unexplained reasons people I know, and strangers enter my life as messengers of love at unexpected times, times when I am low; times when sadness knocks at my door. They pick me up. Make me smile. And, encourage me. I find the strength to go on another day.
Each day, I grow stronger. Each day, I grow more optimistic. And, each day I find my path forward unfolding before me. How does it happen? I believe it is grace. I have no other explanation for it. I don’t think grieving ever ends. But I choose to dance with it.
To all my brothers and sisters who grieve over the loss of a loved one, together let’s find the strength and courage to go on. Together, let’s smile more often. Together, let’s sing joyful and happy songs. Together, let’s celebrate the gift of the life of the person we loved and love; and, together let’s not waste a moment of the wonderful gift of life you and I still share.
I’m sitting at the table. My yogurt, oatmeal, fruit sit in from of me. My cup of hot dark roast coffee in my hand. Everyone is sleeping. I turn on my iPad and tap the USA Today app to check the headlines. Everything is normal. Chaos in Washington. Chaos in Europe. Chaos in the Middle East. Chaos in Asia. I click on sports, the Sox beat the Yanks in the first game of a crucial three-game series. I click on local news. Two headlines grab my attention:
Thieves Hit Steinberg’s Jewelry Boutique Cleaned Out In Overnight Heist
Strange Breakin at the Museum of Rare Small Boxes
My right-hand starts shaking. I set my coffee down spilling some on the table. Will La Flor be sporting a Steinberg’s classic diamond? I enter into stage one, denial. Impossible. Big Carmen wouldn’t do this. Lil Carlo is too old to try. Little Carmen, not smart enough. I feel better. Until . . .
“Ray, Ray, Ray look at my ring?” La Flor prances into the dining room in her pajamas. Her right hand extended in front of her. I’m nearly blinded by the flashes of light given off by a ring so large I can’t see her knuckle.
“Ray, Ray, Ray look at La Flor’s ring,” said La Flor’s echo, AKA Carmela.
“Did I do good, Ray-mo?” asked Little Carmen.
“Can I get you coffee C,” said TT to Carmela.
C? TT and C?
La Flor sidled up next to me and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, TT is practice. He doesn’t stand a chance.”
“When did Little Carmen give you the ring?” I asked.
“You missed it. It was so romantic. I thought Carmela and TT were going to pass out.”
“Where did this happen? How did it happen? You sure it’s not hot?”
“Think like a romantic, Ray. You’re tabloid, hemorrhoid, anthropoid, and typhoid,” La Flor said with a hint of edge.
“Did you mean paranoid?”
“Toss that one in too,” she said.
“Where did you get those words?”
“We played Scrabble after our Romantic dinner.”
“Scrabble after an evening of romance?”
“It was TT’s idea. Never listen to him. He has no clue. Good thing LC made him help me so I could win,” said La Flor.
“He was playing against you. Yet, you made him help you?”
“I didn’t. LC did. We went to Carmen’s Pizzeria for our romantic date.”
“A pizzeria?”
“Yes. He closed it just for the four of us. He had a four-piece band and Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga sang for us.”
“Bennett and Gaga?”
“What’d I say? Big Carmen brings out a hot pizza with all my favorite toppings, cooked the way I like it, and a bottle of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945.”
I ask Siri what that bottle of wine costs. Siri replies, “23 grand. Enjoy.”
“I’m worth every cent. On top of the pizza is a little wooden stand in the middle. On the wooden stand is a small expensive rare box that one can only find at a guarded museum that is probably worth more than everything you own. LC picks up the box. Opens it. And, gives it to me.”
“Did he ask you to marry him?”
“Details, Ray. Details. I’m a big picture woman.”
“He put this rock on my finger. You’ll have to cut my finger off to take it from me.”
I want to ask, “Did it come with a gift receipt? Did Amazon deliver it?”
“You didn’t hear the best part,” La Flor said.
“I didn’t?”
“Big Carmen comes over and gives me a hug. Then he goes and gives Tony Bennett a hug. Then he hugs Lady Gaga.”
“That’s the best part?”
“No, after he whispered something to them, Tony and Lady Gaga came over to request my autograph.”
“Huh?”
Life can grab hold of us in a way that we easily get lost. We lose our passion. We lose sight of our dreams. We no longer believe we have a unique gift to offer to this wonderful world. We’re trapped like a fish in a fishbowl and swim in circles, staring out of the glass, going nowhere, unless we dare to leave our fishbowl. It takes courage. With courage and a dream, we can dare to leap out of our fishbowl. Perhaps the following Vimeo video will inspire you to jump out of the fishbowl.
“La Flor I need your total attention. Please put your iPhone away,” I said.
“Why do we have to do this at Panera? This is not a La Flor kind of place. I need places with an uppity feel,” La Flor complained.
“Like a wine shop?”
“That’s a start in the right direction,” she said.
“The more you concentrate, the quicker we’ll get this done and you can do whatever beautiful, tough, and edgy women do,” I said.
“See, this is the problem with you,” La Flor nipped at my heels.
“What? What did I say to offend you?”
“There are some beautiful women. There are some tough women. There are some edgy women. But there is only one beautiful, tough, and edgy woman. Need I say more?”
“I apologize for my oversight,” I said.
“I’m not sure if I’ll accept it. We’ll see how this conversation goes.”
“I’ll cut to the chase. You don’t want the ring Little Carmen is going to give you.”
“I don’t want a ring a really, really big ring? I don’t want really, really expensive ring? And, I don’t want to be the envy of all the alt ego women? What is wrong with you?”
“For starters, it’s probably hot. A close second, do you really want to marry Little Carmen?”
“Marry? Marry Little Carmen? Who said anything about that? I didn’t. I only want the ring.”
“He thinks he proposed.”
“That’s his problemo. I going to speak in Spanish in case he is listening. Understand, mi perro?”
“I am not your dog. Big Carmen wants to know the date,” I said.
“Tell him to look at his phone’s calendar,” she said. Then she added. “Don’t you dare spoil me getting that ring.”
“It’s hot.” I said.
“Of course it’s hot. Everyone will want one just like it because I have it. I am the trend setter. Where have you been the last few weeks?” asked La Flor.
“What about Big Carmen and Lil Carlo?” I said.
“What about them? They’re sweet, kind, gentle. They wouldn’t hurt a flea. Are we done? I told LC he needs to buy me a completely new wardrobe if I’m to wear the ring he is giving me.”
“You’re digging a hole you’re not going to be able to climb out of,” I said.
“I can’t figure it out, Ray.”
“What?”
“What Big Carmen saw in you to offer you a wonderful career opportunity.”
Those who know are or have deeply loved, know you go all in or don’t go. There’s no halfway. It’s a zero-sum game. Choose to love with everything you’ve got or not to love. When one chooses to go all in, one takes the biggest risk of his or her life. And, when the one they choose to love reciprocates, there is nothing else that can compare with it. The poet Maya Angelou beautifully expresses courage and love in this short Vimeo video.
I’m tired of the drama. I’ve got more drama than the White House and Congress combined. If it’s not La Flor, it’s Carmela who’s taken up residence. If it’s not one of the girls, it’s Little Carmen. And, now, TT is love struck. He purchased a notebook and doodles big hearts, little hearts and every kind of heart in between. TT + Carmela. Carmela + TT TLF. Oh, give me a break.
You want to know about the ring? Cousin Carl asked for an extra day. It had something to do with getting the boys together. A group of guys shopping for a ring for Little Carmen? I know. I’m naive.
Anyway, los cuatro amigos are out for a handsome carriage ride down by the Riverwalk. They’ll get in when they get in. I’m going to start the next season of my favorite series on Netflix. Remember how Big Carmen ruined the finale. At least he didn’t tell me how the next season started. I ordered a pizza from Struzzerio’s Deep Dish. Big Carmen doesn’t make deep dish and I’m craving it. I get it loaded with veggies. And, the sauce, the sauce is so good I’ll scrape the cardboard box to get every drop of it. I’ll add extra cardio at the Y tomorrow.
I have my pizza. I bought Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. I have my diet soda to balance the Chunky Monkey. Everything is arranged on my coffee table. My cell is turned off. Netflix is on, and I push play. Life is good. Until . . .
“Hey, Ray. I bring use pizza so’s we can watch the Sox tonight against the Yanks.”
He’s in my house? How? Why? The door was locked. The shades are drawn. The TV is on low. I slide Struzzerio’s deep dish under the sofa.
Big Carmen walks into the living room carrying two extra large pizzas. A small box marked cannoli. And, another box marked, breadsticks and sauce. He said, “If the game goes into extra’s I’m gonna call Antonio to bring us more food.”
“Who’s Antonio?”
“Just a guy from the neighborhood who owes me a favor. He’s working the shop tonight because I got to be good to the man who taught my Little Carmen to talk like the angels, to sing like Pavarotti, to write like Dante.”
“I did?”
“Don’t be bashful. His beautiful, tough, and edgy woman is hot for him, It’s a marriage made on the plaza in heaven next to the pizzeria.”
“Don’t take this personal, Big Carmen. But, my doors were locked. How did you get in?”
“Use beans serious?” asked Big Carmen.
I nodded.
“Let me splain something to use. Use got a lock. The locks no good if use can’t open it. Am I right?”
What choice did I have? “You’re right.”
“See, use is flowing with my logic. If a lock is meant to be opened, why not open it. This is a value I live by.”
“It’s a core value. I can see that,” I said.
“For some reason, my pizza smells extra good tonight. I got to thanks Antonio. He used to work for Struzzerio’s until I told him not to work for Struzzerio.”
“You don’t like Struzzerio?” I asked while I tried to push Struzzerio’s deep dish deeper under the sofa.
“It goes way back. Maybe seven or eleven generations. I like Angelo. He’s okay. It’s his great, great, great grandfather I can’t stand.”
“Do you know his great, great, great grandfather?”
“No. I don’t have to know him to not like him. You see what I’m saying?”
I nod to move the conversation on and get to the pizza.
“Ray. I owes use a big, maybe huge, maybe gigantic favor. Use see where I’m going with this?”
“Un uh,” I said.
“Let’s look at use career. Use is going nowhere fast. This frog thing use is doing. . . .”
“Do you mean blog?” I asked.
“That’s what I said, frog. Now don’t uninterrupt my thoughting.”
I nod.
“I want to offers use a managerial position in a business not too many people knows about.”
“Is this Amway?” I said. Why I said this, I have no clue.
“I knows my way, if that’s what use is asking. But my managerial position has to do with procurement, delivery, and collections. Use don’t do any of the heavy lifting. One of the perks I offer is to have use house swept for bugs every hour. That way use don’t have bugs if use know I means. And, another big plus, is use get to have Lil Carlo as use assistant.”
Is he asking me what I think he is asking me, but I don’t want to put it in print in case an agency with three letters wants to talk to me. I’m feeling dizzy. I think I’m hyperventilating. Big Carmen whacks me on my back hard enough to knock my eyeballs into the next county.
“I sees use are overwhelmed at my generous offer, which I know use can’t refuse. I’m talking six, seven figures. Use own chauffeur, who carries. See where I’m going?”
Straight to the big house, I’m thinking.
La Flor is marrying into this family. The crazy thing is, I like Big Carmen even if I think he’s nuts.
I change the subject, “Let’s open the pizza. I’m starving.”
“I see use was going to watch Netflickers and seasons 3. Let me tells use how the cliffhanger works out.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to watch my Netflix series without a spoiler alert. And, I’m not managerial material.
Are you creative? Have you run up against brick walls? Naysayers? People who won’t encourage you? Join the club of creative people. George Lois, American art director, designer, and author gives a blunt talk to college students about the courage they will need to be creative. If you need a creative pep talk, this Vimeo video is for you.
What do you say to a guy who’s head over heels in love with someone who doesn’t love him? What do you say to a guy who can leap tall buildings with a single bound, fly faster than the worlds fastest rocket, and will throw himself in front of a runaway bus for the woman he loves, but doesn’t love him?
I’m plucking petals from daisies. Now you understand my dilemma. He loves her. She doesn’t love him. He adores her. She uses him for window dressing. He’ll do anything for her. She’ll let him do anything for her. Now, I have to convince Little Carmen not to marry La Flor. What’s that? I created this mess and it’s up to me to sort it out? Unless you’ve dealt with
Now, I have to convince Little Carmen not to marry La Flor. What’s that? I created this mess and it’s up to me to sort it out? Unless you’ve dealt with alt ego personalities you have no clue how difficult it to reason with them.
I take a deep breath, visualize myself being successful until in my visualization I see Lil Carlo pointing a gun at me telling me to fix everything. I stop visualizing.
“Little Carmen, can I get you a beer? Glass of red wine (this is the cheap stuff I cook with)? Soda?” I said.
“No tanks, Ray-mo. But if use has a red popsicle that’d be good.”
A red popsicle? Isn’t that something four-year-olds want? I know there are no popsicles in my fridge, but I go and look anyway. I root around like I’m looking for the popsicles. I holler back, “I remember I ate the last one last night. Darn. Anything else?”
“How’s about a piece of the left over anchovy pizza?”
It’s three days old. But pizza doesn’t have a decomposition value. “Need it heated?” I ask.
“No tanks. I likes my little fishies cold. I just don’t want them swimming,” Little Carmen laughs at his humor. Humor? Did you laugh?
I said, “Good one.”
“What?”
I forgot about his limited attention span. I choose a choice piece, put it on a plate, grab a piece of paper towel for a napkin and bring it to Little Carmen.
“Tanks,” He nods. He takes the paper towel napkin and blows his nose on it. Crumples it and sticks it in his pocket. Should I say, ‘one and done?’ I think not.
I know I’m stalling. Little Carmen folds his pizza in half. I count, one … two … three bites and the large slice is gone. He pulls up the bottom of his t-shirt and wipes his mouth. He makes a fist and hits his stomach. The expected belch soon follows.
“Use know a true pizza factoid Ray-mo. It tastes better the next day and sometimes the day after the next day. Pretty deep, don’t cha tink?”
“Deep,” I answer.
“I only has ten minutes before I has to go to work at the pizzeria. Big Carmen’s short shifted tonight because my cousin Carl is busy.”
“Too busy to go to work?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s working for Big Carmen. Let’s put it this way, do use need a need smart TV at a considerable discount?”
“No thanks. My TV works fine.”
“How’s about use choice of sardines, any brand use want?”
“No thanks, I’m all set. What’s Carl do, exactly?”
“When he’s not mixing the dough, he works in procurement for Big Carmen. Use know what that word means?”
I don’t want to know anything else. I said, “It means he’s busy tonight. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
“There’s bad news? I don’t like bad news and Big Carmen, he hates it worse than me. Know something else, Lil Carlo goes nuts when he hears bad news. I tinks it runs in the family tree.”
My situation reminds me of when I was in basic training. A sergeant came up to me, stood two inches away from. Our noses almost touching and he said (honestly, this is true and it is an exact quote), “Your ass is grass and I’m the lawn mower.” Right now, I’m the grass and it’s a toss up who’s the lawn mower, Big Carmen, Lil Carlo, or some cousin I haven’t met.
“Little Carmen, it’s this way…”, La Flor dashes in.
“To where?” asked Little Carmen., La Flor dashes in.
I’m about to speak when I hear . . .
“Not another word, Ray. I hope I’m not too late,” said La Flor dashing into the living room, her protege a half step behind. TT who’s smitten with the protege is a half step behind her.
“She looks at Little Carmen, “Let me see the diamond before I accept your proposal. It better be big, real, and really expensive or you find another girl.”
“I was going to give it to use tomorrow after cousin Carl does some procuring. It’s like Amazon, but better. I don’t have to wait two days to have it delivered. Use will see something so big, so expensive, so beautiful it will blind use girlfriends or cousin Carl goes for a swim.”
“Huh?” I said.
