Joe: “My dad told me that 70 was the new 50.”
Pete: “What did you say to him.”
Joe: “I said, “That’s not a good defense on your court appearance for speeding.”.
one-liners
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Accuses Joe of Being Lazy
Joe: “My girlfriend was upset with me. She accused me of being lazy.”
Pete: “How did you respond to her?”
Joe: “I said, “Don’t get mad at me, I didn’t do anything.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Asks Joe About Lawyers
Joe: “My girlfriend asked me if I knew the difference between a lawyer and a liar. I told her I didn’t know.”
Pete: “Did she tell you the difference?”
Joe: “Yah. She said, the pronunciation.”
Today’s Joke: Joe Wants to Look Good for Summer
Joe: “I’ve got a goal to lose five pounds before the first day of summer.”
Pete: “How’s it going?”
Joe: “Just ten more pounds to lose.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF is Meditating
Joe: “My girlfriend started meditating every evening.”
Pete: “What do you think about that?”
Joe: ‘It’s better than sitting around and doing nothing.”
Today’s Joke: Joe Has OCD
Joe: “My girlfriend told me she was going out drinking because she couldn’t take my OCD.”
Pete: “Did you say anything to her?”
Joe: “Yah. I told her to close the door three times before she left.”
Today’s Joke: Joe is Afraid of Speed Bumps
Joe: “I’ve got a huge fear of driving over speed bumps.”
Pete: “Is that causing a problem, Joe?”
Joe: “I’m slowly getting over it.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Wants a Wake Up Call
Joe: “When I was out of town, I called the front desk and asked for a wake up call.”
Pete: “Did it work?”
Joe: “Yah, the hotel operator called right back and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life!”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Talks in Her Sleep
Joe: “My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.”
Pete: “What did she say?”
Joe: “I don’t know, but she nearly took my eye out.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Wants to Know if Joe is Serious
Joe: “My girlfriend asked me if I ever want to get married.”
Pete: “What did you say to her?”
Joe: “I said, ‘When I meet the right girl.’ It didn’t go over big.”
