Joe: “I told myself to stop drinking.”
Pete: “Are you going to do it?”
Joe: “No. Do you think I’m going to listen to a drunk giving me advice.”
joe
Today’s Joke: Joe Has a Problem
Joe: “My Psychologist told me I have CDO.”
Pete: “What’s that?”
Joe: “It’s like OCD but all the letters are in order.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF is seeking Professional Help
Joe: “My girlfriend has been meditating for six months. Now she has to seeking professional help.”
Pete: “What’s wrong.”
Joe: “She’s been stuck in the present moment for five months.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Having a Conversation With the Most Important Person in His Life
Joe: “I told my girlfriend it is statistically proven people who talk to themselves are more intelligent and intuitive. She thought it was interesting”
Pete: “What did you say to her?”
Joe: “I said, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Visits His Dad in the Hospital
Joe: “I went to hospital to visit my dad and saw the nurse coming out of his room.”
Pete: “Did you ask her about your dad?
Joe: “Yah, she said she just took his temperature with her rectal thermometer. She reached in her pocket to show me his temperature and pulled out a pen. She added, “Your dad has my pen.””
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Accuses Joe of Being Lazy
Joe: “My girlfriend was upset with me. She accused me of being lazy.”
Pete: “How did you respond to her?”
Joe: “I said, “Don’t get mad at me, I didn’t do anything.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Accuses Him of Cheating
Joe: “My girlfriend is accusing me of cheating on her.”
Pete: “Why is she doing that?”
Joe: “Because I started showering three times a week.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Asks Joe About Lawyers
Joe: “My girlfriend asked me if I knew the difference between a lawyer and a liar. I told her I didn’t know.”
Pete: “Did she tell you the difference?”
Joe: “Yah. She said, the pronunciation.”
Today’s Joke: Joe and His GF Have Different Ideas
Joe: “My girlfriend told me if I worked out at the gym my mood would improve.”
Pete: “What did you say?”
Joe: “I said, “Can I order a pizza first?”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Working His Humor on Pete
Joe: “What starts with a W and ends with a T?”
Pete: “I don’t know, what?”
Joe: “That’s right.”
